Title: Clarity Is Kindness Author: Reyna Monson, President Date: October 12, 2026 Category: Leadership / Team Culture
One of the biggest mistakes new leaders make is thinking they’re being kind when they’re actually being unclear.
A few years ago, I watched a new manager sit down with an employee who had been making repeated mistakes. She started the conversation by thanking him for all of his hard work. She complimented his attitude, told him how much she appreciated him, mentioned there were a few details that needed improvement, then finished by thanking him again.
She walked out thinking she had corrected his behavior and issued a warning. He walked out of the meeting feeling great. They both attended the same meeting and left with completely different understandings of what had happened.
If you remember one thing from this article, remember this:
Clarity is kindness.
We Think We’re Being Kind. We’re Not.
As leaders, we often soften difficult conversations because we don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings. We hint instead of saying things directly. We wrap criticism in compliments and hope people “get the message.” Most of the time, they don’t. We think we are being kind. In reality, we’re withholding the truth they need to succeed.
And that isn’t kind.
If someone gets disciplined, passed over for a promotion, or even fired without ever truly understanding there was a serious problem, that’s a leadership failure — not an employee failure.
Your job isn’t to make difficult conversations comfortable. Your job is to make them useful.
Be Specific, Not Soft
That doesn’t mean being rude. It doesn’t mean embarrassing people or attacking their character. It means being specific. Instead of saying, “You maybe could have addressed that sooner, but the email you did send was great,” say, “You didn’t respond to the client for three days. That caused a problem. That is not okay.”
One leaves room for interpretation. The other tells someone exactly what happened, why it matters, and what needs to change.
This is often incredibly uncomfortable. We aren’t very direct in most areas of life. Especially in Minnesota. Around here, we’d rather shovel someone else’s sidewalk for ten years than tell them they have the property line wrong.
Sometimes these conversations can become emotional or even combative, but if handled right, they are always productive.
A Story I’m Not Proud Of
When I first became a manager, I had a tech who would come a little late, take lunch that was a little long, and leave a little early. Every day. I didn’t want to have to talk to him about it. He had more seniority than me. He was a little bit prickly in general, and I knew it would be uncomfortable. I reasoned that it wasn’t that big of a deal anyway — it was only a few minutes.
Except it was a big deal. Because I wasn’t being truthful with him. I wasn’t being fair to the rest of the team. I wasn’t doing my job.
Sitting down with someone and telling them the truth with clarity is my job. It isn’t my favorite part of the job. But it is my job.
Security Comes From Clarity
Ultimately, people usually appreciate it. No one likes being told they aren’t meeting expectations, but people do appreciate being told the truth so they can take appropriate action. And they now know that when there is a problem, you will tell them. They don’t have to guess.
“Employees who don’t have to guess how they are doing feel secure — and employees who feel secure are much more effective.”
If you’re frustrated by someone’s performance but haven’t clearly explained the problem, you’ve put them in an impossible position. They can’t fix what they don’t know is broken.
Respect people enough to tell them the truth. Give them the opportunity to improve. Give them the dignity and security of knowing exactly where they stand.
Because in the end, clarity isn’t harsh.
Clarity is kindness.